One thing never fails to get me. How tourists gush over the friendliness of the people here. I’m sorry…friendly? Us? Well, I don’t know about the other states, but “friendly” is definitely one of the last terms I’d use to describe the denizens of KL. I can’t even pronounce the term without a faint sneer. But I don’t think I’m the only KLite who thinks that.

The KL Driver

Maybe it’s the traffic jams. Maybe it’s the psycho motorcycles. Maybe it’s—whatever it is, even the most affable KLite will turn into a complete beast the moment he climbs into the driver’s seat. (For the sake of brevity, only masculine terms will be used. ‘Sides, it’s nice to pin everything on the males, haha.) To get from Point A to Point B in the least amount of time possible, the KL Driver will think nothing of mowing down an unfortunate cat fleeing from a dog, as well as the hapless mutt chasing after it. Any car signalling (a rare sight that, signalling) to turn into his lane would be immediately cut off. In fact once in a traffic jam, I was attempting to switch lanes to exit the highway, but the car there refused to give way, matching mine whether I sped up or slowed down. It got to the point where I was so exasperated, I put my window down and yelled across to ask the driver (his window was down too) what his bloody problem was. That got me to my exit alright, but I suppose I ought to count myself lucky that he didn’t ram me into the barrier and start whaling away at me with a golf club.

Even when there’s no rush at all, you can always count on the KL Driver to ignore a fellow motorist in trouble. A crashed motorcyclist could be bleeding by the side of the road for donkeys, yet no one would stop to pick him up. Yes, blood is hard to get off the seats, but what’s to stop the KL Driver from picking up his cell and dialling an emergency number? Just the convenient excuse that the half-dead motorcyclist is probably bait for some unsuspecting fool to stop and be relieved of his credit cards and car keys.

The KL Commuter

Ahh buses and trains. Crowley would be proud. It is quite impossible to travel in one and not step off hating everyone in sight. It is an unspoken rule that one’s eyes must never meet another’s for fear the delicate balance between barely unchecked hostility and physical aggression is upset. Woe betide anyone with a curious eye. Anyone holding a conversation in louder than whispers is immediately the target of drop-dead glares. Anyone daring to laugh or show the slightest mirth is in danger of being thrown off at the next stop. And children...god, they shouldn’t even be allowed on.

The KL Queue-Up-er

I’m sorry, this doesn’t exist.

The KL Racist

All KLites are racists, even if they claim otherwise. If they’re not against other nationals (kiasu Singaporeans especially), they’re against themselves. Between and even within races – Chinese against the Chinese (ah bengs and ah lians), Malays against the Malays (kampungfied), and Indians against Indians (estatefied). No one escapes criticism.

The list goes on and on. I haven’t even described the KL Snob, the KL Salesperson, the KL Parent and suchlike yet.

Friendly? Whatever, dude.

Categories: Malaysia [t]

KL driving..
Dead on! Driving in KL is INSAAAANNE!! I (and most people for that matter) had this theory once, which went like "If you can learn to drive in Malaysia, you can drive anywhere in the world!".. I see this as undoubtedly true, seeing that all my Malaysian-born uncles and aunts in Australia are terrified of the thought of driving or being in a car on a Malaysian road! One thing the esteemed and mighty Zebra did not mention was about the nosey Malaysians and accidents. True, few will stop to help a motorcyclist who got knocked down, but what happens when there's a major crash somewhere on the highway? EVERYONE STOPS TO LOOK!! They literally slow down, pull down their screens and take a long, good look! Not to mention the many people who are a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who knows a tow-truck guy, so he (and about 10 others) will stop by to put their noses into it, even if their cars in the emergency lane or divider or fast lane is causing a MASSIVE traffic jam!! Some may wonder why Malaysians are nosey in such things.. the answer? LOTTERY.. It's a popular and proven (?) fact that the license plates of cars that have been in accidents are often winning combos for MOOLAH! It's true! The lottery people actually go around to junkyards, checking out the number plates of junked up cars and think "Now THAT's a number people won't think of!".. Unfortunately, we have long caught up to them.. bwahahaa...=) Ah, good ol' Malaya! =)
» Slippery Head (202.7.183.130) on 2005-05-08 08:34:45

haha....jamie..."estatefied"??!!
» the_reactionist (220.245.137.31) on 2005-05-09 08:38:31

"Malays against the Malays (kampungfied)" This is too true. I should know :/ And some would argue that it's "Malays" versus "Melayus". Can you make the distinction? Heh. I could get shot for this ...
» Rae (220.235.81.217) on 2005-05-22 06:58:24

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» Bryce (221.130.17.53) on 2010-09-04 11:54:18

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