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Hey Bartender
Friday. 8.19.05 9:36 pm
After spending last night hugging the toilet bowl, I've come up with a list of things I hate about drinking.

The toilets
They never work. Never. I don't know if they ever have, but every time I use the loo in a club/bar, they won't flush. There'll be all sorts of shit in it (sometimes literally), but what choice do I have when I'm practically sweating beer and lack the necessary equipment to use the potted plant?

Puking
Especially in club loos (as opposed to the street outside). It's barely manageable when I have to pee, at least then it's my bum over the bowl and not my head. So that leaves the sink. Which is almost equally gross cuz there'll always be something left behind (especially after you've just had Italian). Anyways puking is never fun, unless it's onto someone's shoes. And you know it's gonna be a rough night when puke starts coming out your nostrils as well.

Stairs
I don't know who thought of making the loo accessible only up a staircase, but that's just plain cruel. Climbing up's bad enough, but staggering down again...it's best to just hang on to the railing and hope that someone'll break your fall. Mmmmm, make that a sexy someone.

Mixers
When I order a vodka lime, I expect a vodka lime. Not a lime vodka.

Meeting family (kinda) there
I bumped into my cousin's girlfriend last night. Whom we've had dinner with at least four times already. Usually, I'm terrible enough with names and faces. So when I'm off my head, the Prime Minister could be prancing around naked on the dancefloor and it still wouldn't register. Well, maybe the nekkid bit. Bleurgh... *Awful mental image* Anyways it's very embarrassing to have my name yelled out and be hugged and kissed, and then have to have her remind me exactly who the fuck she is and that we might be related someday. I couldn't do anything the rest of the night in fear of the next family gathering.

The morning after
I wake up desperately hoping not to have to go in for a rehydration jab. Puke a couple more times, and spend the rest of the morning trying to avoid all thoughts of alcohol. Even sparkling grape juice. So of course I end up trying to recall the night before. Which makes for more quality time with the toilet.

The things I put myself through. I swear not to touch another drink...today.

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16 Comments.


I only like toilets when my face isn't in it, but I'm with you on the stairs. They should replace all stairs with escalators, or mountains so that we can atleast feel like we're on ana dventure.
» Dilated on 2005-08-19 12:56:18

OOOO poor thing... I try to avoid using club toilleys if I can whether drinking or not.. I just hate when after using it, there is usually NO soap to clean...
» aisforapple on 2005-08-19 08:36:03

goodness!! that's the ONLY reason why i make sure i dont get pissed drunk at clubs. as the hot & happening night nears the end - u REALLY dont wanna b in the clubs toilet. GAWD!!! *shudders to think of all the crap (sometimes literally as u mentioned) that can b found in the bowl*
» Yvy (218.111.69.211) on 2005-08-20 03:23:22

but but
I had no choice! The bouncers kept pushing free drinks coupons into my hand! i didn't want to risk offending him and be kicked out.
» theZEBRA on 2005-08-20 03:30:17

Once was so pissed I did not even bother to wake up even when I realised I was sleeping in my own puke.
» Bee Bra (203.106.185.120) on 2005-08-20 08:47:17

yar yar....excuses. lol :P
» Yvy (60.48.94.106) on 2005-08-20 09:47:03

lol, sounds like you had quite a night!
» dave on 2005-08-20 11:02:06

i was at a club yesterday which had pretty clean and decent toilets. =) maybe that was just the ladies.
» hx (203.173.32.242) on 2005-08-20 11:36:53

hmmm...
i went into both the men's and ladies' that night cuz I couldn't wait. they were both equally foul..
» theZEBRA on 2005-08-20 09:59:56

naughty naughty.. hmmm.. yet.. this is part of the modern life man.. it's better to train yourself up bit by bit, get used to it, build up your tolerance, before any major shock hits you next time, and find yourself ended up in Thailand the next morning
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-08-21 03:19:32

drinking
hahaha the bouncers kept shoving drink coupons into your hand? who says no to that ?
» Paul (196.2.124.250) on 2005-08-25 09:51:37

paul: apparently, not me. hence my miserable post. lol
» theZEBRA on 2005-08-25 10:01:15

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