So I'm driving to dinner. The traffic lights turn red just as it gets to my turn and I step on the brakes (I don't wanna end up taking the train to uni again). What do I want to eat? Mmm...Taiwanese sausages slathered in black pepper sauce, crispy fried chicken rice, fried mushrooms, noodles in brown sauce...

The lights glow green and I start to move forward...

And the bastard on the outside lane swerves into my path!

He's trying to make the left turn, and he's on the wrong lane goddammit, but I think that he just about makes it. But as he pulls away, I catch a glimpse of silver paint (MY silver paint) gleaming mockingly on his red fender.

I KEEEL YOU!

I screech the same left turn after him and start blaring my horn and flashing (the lights, not my boobs) at him. And I'm yelling at him to pull over, cuz that's what one does when all the windows are rolled up and the other car's a good ten feet away. Surprisingly enough, he actually does stop. (Which just goes to prove what an idiot he is. I'd have sped off in a squeal of burning rubber - it's dark and there are enough alleys and whatnots to hide in.)

I jump out of the car and stomp menacingly over to his...that is, as menacingly as a 5' 3" girl weighing 46 kg can stomp. And as I'm stomping, it suddenly occurs to me that the driver might be twice my size and break legs (not his own, obviously) for a living. In which case I'd much rather be in my own car heading in the opposite direction.

But it's too late now. The door's opening and the driver steps out...and he's a skinny Little Old Man who's balding. I continue stomping.

I stalk over and jab a finger at him.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?!!"

"Err...err..." He's stuttering! Incredibly, I think he might actually be a little bit afraid of me! This is a novel feeling - me scaring someone - and it actually feels quite good. I'm thinking I could get used to this. FEAR ME!!! COWER, FOOLISH MORTALS! Phwoarr, maybe I should become a mugger!

But focus.

He's saying something...he wants to settle everything here...please can he just give me some money and we forget the whole thing? HA HA! Now he's asking to give me money? Hot damn, I really should be a mugger!

Then I spoil everything by telling him that I need to call my father first. Immediately he stands taller and tries to hide a grin. "Sure, go ahead," he smirks.

Bastard. And then we hear the sound of people getting out of my car. HA HA HA! I'd forgotten that I had friends in my car! I will redeem myself! FEAR ME AND MY FRIENDS!!!

But I'd also forgotten that while one can most assuredly rely on Jason and Mindy in matters like accompanying one to lunch and signing one's attendance so that one can cut class to go meet rugby guys, one cannot unfortunately rely on them to terrify Little Old Men. Put simply, Jason and Mindy are not scary.
(Edited 28/09/05: Jason's fingernails are scary)

The magic is gone. Before, the LOM may have been persuaded to hand over his wallet and credit cards. Now, he's trying to get rid of me with 50 bucks. 50 bucks wouldn't even get a spot the size of my little toe resprayed.

I resort to my secret weapon. I tell him to give my father a call.

And I suppose my father uses his Capital Letters Voice. Cuz when the LOM hangs up, he glares balefully at me and fishes out 120 bucks. Which I grab before he changes his mind (cuz as little as the LOM is, I'm littler). I jump back into my car and drive off.

And I have my noodles.

Categories: Misc [t]

You should have asked for more money :) Paul
» Paul (61.6.58.72) on 2005-09-26 10:56:16

» DeeVeuS on 2005-09-26 04:03:20

whoops
I meant to say, that was a funny entry. Ha ha.
» DeeVeuS on 2005-09-26 04:03:52

It's alright, my ex is 5'2" and quite frequently bumped someone twice her size off their feet from the bus queue.
» Beer Brat (198.16.9.10) on 2005-09-26 08:45:12

what the..
eh.. i remember helping you tell him that it's not gonna cost rm50 bucks kay! that's how you show appreciation!!!! FINE!! next time i dun wanna step out of the car and help! i just watch from inside and enjoy the aircond! you can let mindy stand there be motionless like a statue and help you! HAH!
» jason (211.24.251.37) on 2005-09-27 10:51:57

You go, girl! Luckily he's a nice guy who carries around so much moolah in his wallet. I certainly don't! BTW: 20% discount at MPH? Hag, do you need a new fag? I'm so gonna download mirrormask first. (But I promise to buy the dvd when it comes out).
» Will (219.94.58.239) on 2005-09-27 01:00:59

hah! You were scary enough James, if we were scary as well LOM might just have had a heart attack and died...
» Min (60.50.249.238) on 2005-09-28 08:22:45

As long as nothing serious happened
Badger badger badger badger... mushroom mushroom~!! .... Snake.. ah... Snake...
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-09-28 12:19:06

Will: I need someone to accompany me to Liquid for research purposes (yes, I kid you not). Min: If he had a heart attack, we could have stolen his wallet and embarked on a proper career as muggers! Freddy: OOOOOOH A SNAKE!!! Lol
» theZEBRA on 2005-09-28 08:20:05

omg.. badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOMM!!!!!!
» Jase (211.24.251.37) on 2005-09-28 08:29:03

??
i dont get it...y the whole badger and snake? huh? next time say i have to call your clan..or gang...or wateva.. lol... but wah, rm120.. not too bad le..
» trina (218.111.67.245) on 2005-09-29 07:42:52

Research purposes?! What kind of research entails following hot young homosexual men into dens of iniquity?!
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