I loathe going to the hairdresser.

Sitting there in a swivel chair that doesn’t swivel properly (i.e. I can’t go “WHEEE!”), putting my fragile self-esteem in the hands of someone I only just met. Trying to describe the hairstyle that I want, but it’s a total waste of breath, because the result is never the image of beauty I envisioned.

Silly girl, you might laugh. Silly girl, either go to a hairdresser who speaks English or take Mandarin classes.

Aha, that may be so, but that’s not all. You see, I’m not the sort to spend hundreds on my hair and to scream “EMERGENCY TREATMENT!” if I get caught in a drizzle while dashing across the carpark. I blow dry my hair by rolling down the car window. And hairdressers, I’ve found out, look down on this sort of thing. If they could, they would try to convince your hair to just leave because you shouldn’t stand for it and honestly darling, she doesn’t deserve you anyway.

So there I am, sitting nervously in my non-swivelling chair. Because I know exactly what will happen the minute the hairdresser ruffles his fingers through my hair.

“Y’know, your hair’s quite dry.” An innocent enough comment, if not for the thinly veiled condescension accompanying it.

This is where I have to make a decision. How should I respond? Do I go for abject misery, where just one more negative word about my hair will push me to lunge for his scissors and end my pathetic, empty life right there and then? Or indignant and defensive because buddy, I’m paying you to cut my hair so shut it and get to work.

I decide to go with a lofty, such-little-details-are-beneath-my-notice approach. But what comes out my mouth instead is weak denial.

“Noooooo…” I protest in the tone of someone who’s just been pulled over for doing 140km/h in a 90-zone.

“Yes, it is. Don’t you go for hair treatment?”

I scramble for an excuse. “I’m err…very busy. Busy busy busy.”

The hairdresser cocks a sceptical eyebrow as he stares pointedly at the peculiar flatness of my hair which can only be achieved by lying down for extensive periods of time. Evidently he doesn’t appreciate the huge amounts of discipline and willpower required to stay in bed all day.

There is just no winning, I tell you.

Categories: Ouch [t]

i have that problem.

i usually reply with a "nawh, i like it that way" sort of thing. i don't give a damn, anyway. gramps was bald, dad is bald, just a matter of time before it hits me

;)
» bUttsH4k3r (87.102.1.150) on 2007-01-31 03:23:56

I used to get that a lot, but then one day they told me about this magical shampoo and now I never have to worry. :D
» randomjunk on 2007-01-31 05:24:13

My hairdressers tell me that my hair is too thick. Maybe you can go "Oh really? Weird.. no one told me about that" the next time someone says that your hair is dry.
» Nuttz on 2007-01-31 08:45:27

u forgot the part where u tell us whats the results. can i safely assume u're back with ur beloved cap again? AGAIN!!!
» jason (202.7.190.131) on 2007-02-01 02:49:09

Funny, I've always thought that your hair has a certain shine to it. You know, like the shine you get when the sun catches on a fish's scales...

Just kidding, I think you have lovely hair. I always feel obliged to apologise for the knots and tangles in mine.
» Damian (218.215.195.253) on 2007-02-01 10:34:52

bUttsH4k3r: You're remarkably calm about it.

randomjunk: Was it a hairdresser?

Nuttz: Mmm, or burn his shop down!! MOOHAHAHA!!

jason: Haha, this is actually a very delayed post, so you already know what the result was.

Damian: But that's why your hair's so fun to play with. If only you'd let us. :(
» theZEBRA on 2007-02-02 12:04:25

She always says to me, "Have you been ...swimming... lately?"
I usually pretend that she actually has an interesting in my swimming habits rather than that she's insulting my hair, so I give a long answer about how I haven't been swimming in years, isn't that sad... even if it isn't true. A-ha!
» Zanzibar on 2007-02-18 06:00:49

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» Yong (222.89.92.106) on 2010-09-04 08:04:14

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