Magic!!

My dishes are clean! I left them in an overflowing sink last night and woke up in the morning to find them washed, dried and kept away! This is magic, it MUST be magic!

I share my joyous discovery with a housemate. He smiles knowingly and whispers, “Kitchen elves.”

Kitchen elves! They must be yet another species found only in Australia. And if anyone knows about them, my housemate does. Because he’s Australian and probably learnt about them in school. Kitchen elves! With tiny yellow gloves, a tiny flowery apron and a tiny hairnet!

I wish we had them back home as well. It’s unfair that Australians already get wombats, platypuses (platypi?) and kangaroos all to themselves. Now they’re monopolising kitchen elves too? Or maybe they do exist back home as well. Maybe the maid chases them away for fear of losing her job. Dastardly woman.

I resolve to catch a kitchen elf. My room is terribly messy and I have to write blog posts on my bed because there is no space on my desk for my laptop. I also nearly twisted my ankle on a shoe someone left beside my bed. It just shows how nasty that person is because he/she used one of my shoes. But that is an investigation for another day. For now, I have to focus on acquiring a bedroom elf.

According to an expert who has conducted much research in this field, kitchen elves only appear at midnight. And the hunter must be careful not to leave elf-sized clothing lying around for them to find, for that is a sign that their services are no longer needed. This observation is backed up in other research as well. As a psychology student, research is clearly very important to me.

Back to my hunt!

I wait patiently in my room until 0000 hours rolls around. When my clock finally strikes beeps midnight, I sneak silently out of my room. I make my way to the kitchen, stealthily keeping to the shadows like a ninja. I can hear splashing and dishes clattering in the kitchen! The kitchen elves are here!

With my back to the wall, I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. This must be done in a single, deadly strike like a panther pouncing on a rabbit. I take another deep breath to clear my mind. I would be one with the darkness as well…but the kitchen lights are on.

This is it! I roar a battle cry and leap out into the kitchen, Steve Irwin style. ELF, YOU’RE MIIIIII…

But there are no elves at the kitchen sink. Instead I find a shirtless housemate, clutching a sudsy hand to his heart in shock.

Booooooooo! It was all a lie. Kitchen elves do not exist. It was my housemate all along. It is very painful to discover that you’ve been lied to.

I stare reproachfully at him before turning away and trudging back to my room. My messy room. Which will have to remain messy because bedroom elves probably don’t exist either. I am heartbroken. I curl up in my bed and try to blink the tears away.

I will not trust others as easily in the future.

Categories: Perth [t]

You could just give your housemate an elf cap...
» ikimashokie on 2007-04-24 10:43:52

He looks better in easter bunny ears.
» theZEBRA on 2007-04-24 10:47:02

Well,
Why dont ask your housemate whether does he want to clean your bedroom for you as well??
» Xboyz on 2007-04-24 11:15:05

House elves
Damn. You got my hopes up. I've been here three years and I've never seen a kitchen elf (not that I couldn't use a few.) I was all set to say "Send some over here!" Then again, you could send the shirtless house mate... I wouldn't mind :D
» Christina (58.7.138.241) on 2007-04-24 10:23:14

Awww... it's okay.. now you can let your kitchen elf do all the dishes XD
» Nuttz on 2007-04-24 10:52:05

Brothers Grimm
That research was done by the brothers grimm?? They wrote some wierd stuff man! I can only imagine what the entire story of kitchen elves was about. Either way... I wish my little elves (kids) would clean the kitchen without me asking.
» kkama67 on 2007-04-25 01:27:22

Xboyz: Now there's an idea. And do my laundry as well. Ho ho ho!!

Christina: Sorry bout that. I had my hopes up there for a bit too. Just goes to show the extent of psychological damage lies can cause. If I give you my shirtless housemate, who will clean my dishes?!!

Nuttz: But he's not an elf...I wanted magic. :(

kkama67: They did indeed! All I read were the sugar-coated versions tho. I dunno...kids cleaning the kitchen? Somehow I imagine that would only cause more mess...at least that's what happens when I try to. Not that I'm still a kid. Age-wise anyway.
» theZEBRA on 2007-04-25 08:48:57

Fairy tales are all lies
It's wonderful if those little elves with their pointy ears could actually be so nice and clean up the place and what.. but after all... it's just fairy tales, folk's lore, they're not proven scientifically. Like you, i've always yearn to find out a solution or some ways to have my dishes cleaned or my room cleared without using my own hands or efforts.. I've tried everything.. hunting for house elves, gremlins, pixies, goblins, but i failed.. miserably.. hence, i began my quest on looking for a better solution by getting into a more scientific approach.. I trained my own little helper.. it's still in the process towards succession, but i believe my pet squirrel will be able to begin his cleaning tasks by the end of june (helper recruitment process was rather tough, as i've tested the capability and possibilities of different species, such as pigs, dogs, wombats, cats, etc). I gave up on my pet monkey as he ended up playing with the bubbles instead of cleaning up.
» Fred (219.90.163.138) on 2007-04-25 03:20:44

Fred: Sheer genius!!! There's a sure winner for a business idea right there. How much for a kitchen squirrel?
» theZEBRA on 2007-04-26 02:15:25

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