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theZEBRA
just spent the weekend at the army barracks
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One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
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Wednesday. 10.6.04 10:03 am
Do I have funny fingers? Do I? DO I? Why didn’t anybody tell me I’ve got funny fingers?! I’ve been staring at them for ages and still can’t get my head round their funnyness. They’re all CHUBBY and CROOKED and how could my friends let me go waving them about in people’s faces when anyone in their right mind would be hiding the little monstrosities in their pockets. Holy shit, what if the freshies at coll are calling me the Funny Fingers Girl?

SOB! Now I know why I’ve never been able to play the piano very well, and why I seem to spend bloody forever at the keyboard correcting a frillion typos. It’s cuz the little misshapen freaks are so bent out of place I hit two keys at a time!

What happened to them? Was I born this way? Did my pregnant mom consume so many fish fingers that mine resemble them soggy and squashed? As a toddler, did my fingers get caught in the door? Repeatedly? Did all the fat from my McBurgers receive a P.R. to migrate to the ends of my hands? Did I at some point catch my digits in a blender and have a cross-eyed surgeon reattach them bit by bit like a jigsaw puzzle?

There is something seriously wrong here... Oh god, the freaky things are gonna scare everyone away and I’m gonna die ALL ALONE in a miserable apartment with my pet gerbils chewing on the stumps for dinner.

Life can be so unfair.

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6 Comments.

Who got fingered by THEZEBRA?
Haha.... That's got to be one of your funniest posts ever!!! Personally, as your friends we DO think you have funny looking fingers, well funny mite not be the right word, rather weird, obesse fingers that have elephantithis (spelling?)....But heck no one is perfect aight....So don't strees out too much....
» Remi Lebeau (219.94.117.213) on 2004-10-08 01:37:09


i'd like to say that helps...but that'd be a lie. grin
» theZEBRA on 2004-10-08 03:53:16

eh?
zebras have fingers?
» Chloefoxx on 2004-11-14 05:13:18

why yes
i had them surgically attached to better disguise myself from bounty-hunting zookeepers
» theZEBRA (61.6.96.78) on 2004-11-15 02:42:24

oh!
well that makes sense! i was confused for a minute. i'm not now.
» Chloefoxx on 2004-12-01 10:12:43

So will not go.
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» Gary (60.217.249.148) on 2010-08-30 06:46:44

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