Do I really look that clueless? Is there "Patronise Me" painted on my forehead in big, red letters? Cuz people seem to be doing that a lot lately. Petrol station attendants, waiters, my 13-year old sister...

And today my mechanic.

I was on my way home when the speedometer suddenly went berserk. The needle flew all the way to 180, then flopped back to 0 and died. Which was very strange, seeing as I'd been driving behind a blue Beemer at a steady...somethingty. Then the gear light started flashing. And the yellow engineish-looking symbol lit up. And it was all very scary because I had absolutely no idea what my car was trying to tell me. It'd be so much easier if there was a little ticktape slot somewhere (e.g. "You idiot, you forgot to change my battery AGAIN").

So I headed straight for my Mechanic (garage, not to run him down) who stuck his head in the inner recesses of the car for a few minutes, hemmed and hawed a bit, fiddled with a little electronic thing with masses of wires protruding from it, and finally scribbled something down on his notepad.

"It's your VSS sensor."

Ahh. I was about to pop in with "That's exactly what I was thinking" or "Yeah, those VSS's can be tricky little devils, eh?" or something equally knowledgeable-like. But before I could even move my lips, he plowed straight on.

"Don't worry, you won't understand what that is. I'll take care of it, alright?"

And he had a smile so condescending, so superior, so...PATRONISING, it was all I could do not to smack it off with a spanner.

As if I don't know what a VSS sensor is. It's just a fancy name for the sensor that tracks how fast the wheels are spinning. VSS - Vehicular Spinny Spheres.

Or Very State-of-the-art System.

Ventilated Space Shuttle.

Maybe Vernon's Split Second.

Velma's Scooby Snacks?

Alright. So I don't know what VSS stands for. But he didn't know that.

Categories: Misc [t]

Very Skanky Slut
» BeerBrat (202.156.6.69) on 2005-09-29 10:16:46

VSS or whatever.. as long as the car still can move.. u dont really need to fix it.. my bro used to drive this wira without a functional meter for more than 6 months.. and everything seems fine no summon no nothing..
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-09-30 08:23:18

it's just you la jaime.. it's what we call YEONG SUI!
» jase (211.24.251.37) on 2005-09-30 09:31:32

Jase: YOU SPELT MY NAME WRONG!!! Un-frigging-believable.
» theZEBRA on 2005-09-30 09:33:02

Well, I don't even know what it means either! Then again, I don't even know how to check the oil or whatever. Unfortunately I'm a lil fag when it comes to cars... I need to learn, I know! Paul
» Paul (219.95.183.62) on 2005-09-30 10:18:10

Very Sophisticated Something
» KE (219.95.135.30) on 2005-10-01 06:33:29

+wink+
I have always found girls with the "pretend to understand" look so adorable… but on the other hand jamie does have the "yeong sui" look. anyways considering the fact that it was your speedometer that was going haywire my guess would be that VSS stands for vehicle speed sensor.
» CONDESCENDme on 2005-10-03 02:27:35

Re. yeong sui
I object to that.
» theZEBRA on 2005-10-03 06:52:13

Tach-nically
Very Savoury Stripey. ;) Nah it's a Vehicle Speed Sensor. Which is funny really, because it should be a speedometer or tachometer. Go outsmart the bugger, tell him that Vehicle Speed Sensor SENSOR is redundant. Hence, it should be VS Sensor at least. P.S. I cheated; Google rocks. They also tell you that you're driving a mini KITT: http://www.bmwworld.com/technology/acc.htm
» Albert Ng (218.208.100.87) on 2005-10-03 09:25:02

Labby Leopard: Thanks for the link, of which I read only the first paragraph before my eyes glazed over. Too many automobile technical terms. I did however do a page highlight search of KITT, and there was no mention of it anywhere! What is this Kitt? The Knight Rider flash red car?
» theZEBRA on 2005-10-04 04:00:12

Nah I made the reference to KITT myself, but yeah, it has a front sensor that adjusts your speed in cruise control mode. Canggih!
» Albert Ng (218.208.100.87) on 2005-10-05 05:45:08

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