Wasps! Wasps! Crawling threateningly on the walls! Camping malevolently on door handles! Wasps infesting the house!

In the past two weeks, I’ve sighted and eliminated no less than NINE wasps in my Home. With my trusty Thong of Destruction (footwear, not underwear) in hand, I slip, shadow-like, from room to room and down long corridors, scouting for enemy troops. I’ve tried to locate their home base but it’s too well-concealed. Any attempts to torture prisoners for information have been foiled – they commit harakiri with their own stings or kamikaze themselves into the ToD (f., n. u.). The enemy has indeed been well trained.

The floor is littered with mutilated, barely-recognisable carcasses. All that remains of these once brave, but misguided, soldiers are bits of wing and legs lying haphazardly in a smudge of black and yellow. Their deaths serve a higher purpose, to warn their comrades off from entering these hallowed halls.

In the face of so much death and destruction, these wasps show no emotion. What monsters they are, to disregard their fallen comrades like that! Their own deaths are certain, but still they fly in only to die under the ToD (f., n. u.). They appear to have inexhaustible numbers and therein lies their battle tactic. My grisly attacks have not made a dent in their army, whereas all they need is just one true strike, one warrior with the blessing of Lady Luck, and there will be no one left to wield the ToD (f., n. u.).

I hear gasps of disbelief. Where are your comrades, you ask. Where are your fellow troops, your loyal brothers/sisters-in arms? Surely you do not fight this battle alone!

Alas, ‘tis true! Worse, my housemates mock and even condemn me for the murder of apparently peaceful insects. They say that wasps are not our enemy, that they will only attack if provoked. Ah, but their naïve eyes cannot see the inevitable. All it takes is a careless hand or a clumsy step. Though they be unappreciative of my efforts, I will not see them struck down by a vicious sting!

So although my body grows weary and my sight grows dim with fatigue, I still prowl the corridors mercilessly. The task is arduous and fraught with danger, but I will defend my home.

I will prevail.

Categories: My Awesomeness [t]

Ah, wasps. You know what I do? I get a hose and I spray the nest down then I run inside the house... Hehe. Dangerous but fun. :P Too bad you can't find it.
» randomjunk on 2006-09-28 08:56:57

randomjunk: I'm not THAT dedicated to my cause!
» theZEBRA on 2006-09-28 08:59:30

haha oh my... this war is crazy.

i hate wasps thong-of-destruction them all.

cheers,
sank
» thaitanic on 2006-09-28 10:32:25

A wasp once stung me when I jumped into my bed for a nap.

I retaliated by catching the bugger and pulling out his wings while he was still squirming. I left the bastard to die a slow and painful death on my window sill.

His comrades got the message loud and clear and never bugged me since then.
» vincent (218.111.189.157) on 2006-09-29 05:05:23

From this passage, it is clear that you are a true and mighty warrior. The ToD (f., n. u.) is a rare and difficult weapon to master. I am honoured to have met you. Even if I were to die today (as I too am a true warrior and constantly put my life in danger for worthy causes), I would die happy and proud, for I have met a master of the ToD (f., n. u.).
» dave on 2006-09-29 02:45:49

*sigh*
Where's Risect when you desperately need it ? Risect is mother of all destruction, use it, for t3h sake of humianiteeee !!!!!!!
» YungJie (60.48.62.121) on 2006-09-30 02:47:00

don't forget to take pictures when they sting you or when you are runnign away from them!
» jase (202.6.138.42) on 2006-09-30 05:26:29

carry on, brave soldier! and go forth with my blessing.
» Qian (203.49.185.152) on 2006-10-01 01:16:15

the gang just left brisbane. it was crazy. would have been crazier if you were here too! :D just finished The Time Traveller's Wife. Was interesting. Take care!
» Trina (203.101.239.50) on 2006-10-01 03:34:17

thaitanic: Roger that!

vincent: You speak so casually of being stung. I was under the impression that the normal reaction is to writhe on the floor in spasms of agony.

dave: You do me honour with your compliments. Yes, the ToD (f., n. u.) is not a weapon for untrained. It took many years of dedication and diligence under Grandmaster Zhu before I could finally wield it with confidence.

YungJie: I'd die from the fumes first!

jase: Take pictures! Why?! So if I get stung, you'll still be entertained and it won't be a complete disaster then?

Qian: Thank you! Remember me if I fall!

Trina: Sob sob, I wish I could have gone! Feel so cut off all the way here in Perth.
» theZEBRA on 2006-10-02 07:46:02

YUCK YUCK YUCK

Sounds like a nightmare. Why don't you get a hunky manly OZ guy to help out?

Or better yet invest in a mosquito net.

» Paul (219.95.88.174) on 2006-10-08 08:48:35

Paul: It is a nightmare! I'm just waiting in dread for cockroach season!
» theZEBRA on 2006-10-11 02:34:53

Your weird >.< but that's okay, I still luv you....*cough* *cough* Hmmm...I wonder what you will do when the cockroaches arrive....no dad to save you....muahahaha!!!! Ummm...nevermind.
» Your favourite little bratty sister (60.48.219.118) on 2006-10-27 09:38:28

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» Rolf (60.217.232.92) on 2010-09-02 10:25:40

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