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One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
KNIFE!
Monday. 3.5.07 7:22 pm
Nyeaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Another cut! I’ve been cut again! My precious fingers, once so smooth and delicate, are now marred by another ugly scar! And now nobody will want me because ugly-fingered people are not worthy of love. My only option left will be other ugly-fingered people. Yuck.

You may think that I have only myself to blame. Serves me right for playing with knives. Two cuts in as many posts? That’s obviously an indicator that I need to be more careful when handling sharp objects.

But you wrong me. I didn’t do this to myself, it was the KNIFE! 22 centimetres of bloodthirsty steel, capable of lopping entire limbs off with one lop!



Scarier still, I’m not the KNIFE!’s only victim. Barely five minutes after it was purchased, it had its first taste of human blood. It cunningly slipped free of its cardboard prison, sliced its way through the shopping bag and sank its murderous point into my unsuspecting housemate’s thigh. So sudden and clean was its bite that he wasn’t aware that he had been attacked until a salesgirl directed his attention to the blood trail marking his progress through the mall. To which he reacted by falling to the ground and screaming like a little girl.

I honestly don’t feel safe with the KNIFE! in the house. It obviously hungers for warm human flesh. It’s been put away on a shelf out of my reach, but that just makes it easier for the KNIFE! to stab me in the brain. And then even ugly-fingered people won’t want me.

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29 Comments.


according to the lady i worked with last time in the restaurent, when a knife tastes humanblood it will get sharper and hungrier for human blood!!! twink...
» jase (60.53.92.69) on 2007-03-05 10:05:30

*Helps Zebra put a plaster on her bleeding finger* Aww.. it's okay.. having ugly fingers won't turn people away.. having ugly hearts will. By the way, tell your friend to get well soon.. The knife might be the home of a blood thirsty ghost..
» Nuttz on 2007-03-05 10:13:52

jase: There you go! I tell you, this one's a monster!!!

Nuttz: Fanks. My housemate had to get two stitches. Oddly enough, he loves the KNIFE! Must be a weird Aussie thing.
» theZEBRA on 2007-03-05 10:19:42

It doesn't come out here until April 4th!

I can't wait.
» Chloefoxx on 2007-03-05 02:42:15

Sharp edges...metal...stitches...GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! I cut my big toe once. I think it was deep enough for stitches, but I didn't get any. I just stuck it together with two plaster-s and it eventually stayed together long enough to scar. Maybe I should've sewn it myself...or not.
» Silver-dot- on 2007-03-05 03:36:27

you have an amazing
way of telling stories. That's why your blog is so popular. You're very witty.

I have a Kay-Bar knife in my safe. That bugger is SHARP. just feeling the edge almost cut my thumb in two. Knives are dangerous creatures.
» middaymoon on 2007-03-05 06:34:46

Chloefoxx: Have you seen the 30,000 Volts Zombies episode on Youtube? It stars both Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Go check it out if you haven't!

Silver-dot-: Aarghhhh, how could you even THINK of sewing yourself together?! You're mental, you are!!

middaymoon: Thanks!! And you ought to keep that knife in a metal box. You never know when it'll sneak up on you in the middle of the night and stab you in your sleep.
» theZEBRA on 2007-03-05 08:36:23

Good God. What are you doing to yourself?!
» Paul (60.48.184.104) on 2007-03-06 05:44:11

Paul: Obviously not wearing enough armour, that's what!!
» theZEBRA on 2007-03-06 09:21:07

You got to go to NZ??! I am soooo jealous!
» KkaMA67 on 2007-03-06 12:40:18

Sausage fingers
» mindy (130.220.79.178) on 2007-03-06 05:37:05

i've had 6 cuts in a week - almost one for everyday.

oh wait, the last day of the week gave me a cut behind my knee.
» bUttsH4k3r (83.100.252.82) on 2007-03-06 07:54:32

u're cursed!! maybe u should start using wooden knifes insteads. they're good at cutting..air.

when dinner again?
» jason (134.7.77.20) on 2007-03-06 10:29:41

it's in a rather nifty case that goes on my belt :)
and THAT is in a metal box, with a very nice lock, if i might add. Might post pics, just fer you! haha.
» middaymoon on 2007-03-08 07:40:39

A large wooden knife block, is what you need.
» Laynie (219.95.157.98) on 2007-03-08 11:51:59

KkaMA67: Lol, I'd been wanting to go there for a looooooooooong time.

mindy: T-T

bUttsH4k3r: Jesus...try to come home in one piece, yeah?

jason: You free next Friday?

middaymoon: And scare me to bits? A lock sounds like a very good idea tho!

Laynie: Or one of those plastic ones that come with Playdoh sets.
» theZEBRA on 2007-03-09 12:58:00

wow, that knife is out to get everyone. I can only wish you luck at winning any future battles with the knife.
» LostSoul13 on 2007-03-09 01:41:44

you might want to
upload your avatar again...everyone else has.
» middaymoon on 2007-03-09 11:52:10

LostSoul13: Thank you. I need all the luck I can get.

middaymoon: Thanks for the heads up.
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