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just spent the weekend at the army barracks
Is Chewing On

Gore Vidal

Listening to:

Everything in Transit
Jack's Mannequin
Lick Those Stripes!
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The Herd
Carresser of Annabelle
Crazy Lone Ranger
Island Sinker
Labert Leopard
Lego Man
Shakin' That Ass
Sloth Min
Uber Bitch Jase
Van Ren


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Songs of the Plains
Family Court

One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
Noise in the Dark
Sunday. 7.01.07 12:09 am
A noise!

Something is skritching about in the ceiling space right above my bed. Something or someone. I am not quite sure which I’d prefer it to be.

That ‘something’ could be:
  1. A rat

  2. A cat stalking a rat

  3. A dog hunting for a cat stalking a rat

  4. A giant spider

  5. A massive cockroach
To be honest, none of the above sound very attractive. Option 1 would gnaw me to death, Option 2 would claw me to death, Option 3 would maul me to death, Option 4 would poison me to death, and Option 5 would scare me to death. As you would undoubtedly have noticed, they all involve ‘death’. My death. This is most off-putting.

Wait. The noise has stopped. Maybe the something or someone has died.

Nope, there it is again. Still alive. Damn.

Right, let’s have a look at the possibilities for ‘someone’:

  1. An axe murderer

  2. A homeless student

  3. A hot guy whom my housemate kidnapped
Option 1 would murder me to death – tiny, chopped-up pieces of death. Option 2 would slit my throat in my sleep, so that he/she would be able to take my room. Option 3 would thank me for rescuing him (or at the very least, for breaking his fall when he crashes through the ceiling) by performing sexual favours. But my housemate would be enraged. And this particular housemate is in the army reserves and owns a wickedly sharp army knife. So, either (a) he would break my neck with his dragon ninja training from the army; or (b) he would stab me to death. Option 3’s no good either then. In fact, none of the ‘someone’ options are any good since I again end up dead in all of them.

Ooh, the noise has changed. It’s not a skritching sound anymore. More like thudding. Or knocking. Maybe it’s a code.

“H. E. L. P. M. E.”


“I. M. S. O. H. U. N. G. R. Y. T. H. A. T. I. M. G. O. I. N. G. T. O. E. A. T. Y. O. U. R. E. Y. E. B. A. L. L. S.”


“I. M. G. O. I. N. G. T. O. H. A. C. K. Y. O. U. R. L. E. G. S. O. F. F. T. H. E. N. M. A. K. E. Y. O. U. E. A. T. Y. O. U. R. E. Y. E. B. A. L. L. S.”

Oh god.

//I’m covering my ears! LA LA LA LA LA!!! I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you!//

The night promises to be fraught with suspense and danger. Perhaps I should go to sleep clutching the KNIFE! point-up just in case something or someone falls through the ceiling. Hopefully it/he/she will be cooperative enough to kindly impale itself to death.*

I wasn’t even aware that accessible space exists above my ceiling. Why is it even there in the first place? Mark my words, no good can come of this.

* Death that's not mine is perfectly acceptable.




I hope it's not number 5 of the 'somethings.' That way you won't go violently.
» Dilated on 2007-07-01 01:22:25

By the way.. am I in your will?
» Dilated on 2007-07-01 01:22:32

And I thought I was paranoid.

Of course, like what that Will Smith movie told me (and Will Smith has never lied to me before): it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.
» Jeffrey ( on 2007-07-01 08:31:07

did you ever figure out what was making the sound?
» LostSoul13 on 2007-07-01 12:51:23

You should get an attack cat.
» Chloefoxx on 2007-07-03 01:00:59

Which is why you need a hot man beside you :P
» Paul ( on 2007-07-03 08:33:43

wow, seems like the nights i have when a mouse or 'something' for that matter is scurrying along my ceiling and walls lol. It has stopped now though, but the other day i had a strange smell lingering in my room, i thought it might have been a dead mouse, cleaned out my room, and nothing, even weirder, the smell was gone. Scary times, def.
» xxallenemiesxx on 2007-07-05 11:23:52

you sure it wasn't someone who was humping your ceiling?
» jase ( on 2007-07-07 09:47:00

*looking at jase's comment .......
well, too bad you're not in aus right now jase, if not i guess you would be no.1 suspect for that humping trial. Anyway, my guess would be the process of recreation between a horny squirrel and a confused koala.
» Fred ( on 2007-07-14 05:59:42

The correct answer was the second option #3.
It was me your roommate kidnapped.
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