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One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
Blame the Buttmonkeys
Tuesday. 10.28.03 5:42 am
An interesting thing happened the other night. I was driving home after rugby practice with No Balls Ken when we encountered what seemed to be a roadblock – cops in blindingly hideous neon vests, flashing lights and sirens and whatnot. But as my car inched past Stick-Waving-Cop No.2, we noticed something else. By the roadside, a truck was trying to pull out a van which had wrapped itself around a half-collapsed tree like an overaffectionate chimpanzee. I felt a pang of sympathy. Poor tree.

Now being one to always mind my own business, I drove past the crash site with nary a glance backwards. But invisible buttmonkeys sneaked into the car through the air-conditioner vents and yanked the wheel to the side, forcing me to stop on the road shoulder. Afraid of contracting rabies from said primates, NB Ken and I jumped out and sought safety in numbers, which coincidentally was around the tree/van hybrid.

The van was a total wreck. The front was completely thrashed with the passenger’s side barely hanging on. NB Ken sneaked closer, presumably to look for blood or brain matter. Whatever. As long as I wasn’t gonna be the one scraping grey gunk off my shoes. I was leaning casually against another van when a guy next to me informed me that the dead body was in it. Didn’t faze me tho. I merely jumped two feet and nearly collapsed from cardiac arrest.

That put me in a bit of a spot. NB Ken was merrily toeing patterns in the gore underfoot, and I didn’t want to spoil his fun. Should I stand closer to the mangled corpse or risk the possibility of trampling on bits of him instead? Life’s little decisions. Then I spotted Hideous Vest scouting about in the undergrowth near the wreck. He was probably gonna pull out a severed limb in a moment.

I didn’t stick around to find out. I grabbed NB Ken in a headlock and manhandled him back to my nice safe car. Then drove home at about 40 km/h.

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2 Comments.

from the facts you presented
I would say the butt monkeys caused this unfortunate car wreck. You should tell the authorities, so justice can be served (to the tree and its kin).
—dave on 2003-10-28 01:51:06

ello! ^_^
I agree with dave lol......blame the buttmonkeys!
eXiled on 2003-11-02 04:07:22

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